Going Mostly Paperless

One significant way to care for creation is to go mostly paperless. Adopting paperless lifestyle changes, to the extent one can, is a process. I suggest adopting one practice at a time until one’s daily life includes little to no paper use. Here are some ways to reduce one’s paper consumption:

• Reduce junk mail.

• To remove one’s self from mailing lists used by “creditors or insurers to make firm offers of credit or insurance that are not initiated by you,” from the companies Equifax, Experian, Innovis, and TransUnion, go to optoutprescreen.com. From the site, you can choose to opt-out of receiving offers for five years (requires electronic form), opt-out from receiving offers permanently (requires mailing a form), or opt-in if you decide in the future that you want to receive offers again. What you’ll need to provide to opt-out: your name, address, Social Security Number, and date of birth.

• Additionally, go to catalogchoice.org to “opt out of catalogs, coupons, credit card offers, phone books, circulars, and more” for free.3 To make best use of this service, save the back page of catalogs that you receive. The back page usually has a key or customer code printed on it that you will need in order to opt-out of the mailing list. In some cases you will need to make a phone call to opt-out. The site gives you the necessary information. The catalogchoice.org site says that its users have saved the following by opting out of junk mail (as of Nov 20, 2011):
• 726,365 fully grown trees
• 302,518,422 pounds of greenhouse gas
• 107,238,746 pounds of solid waste
• 728,567,964 gallons of water

• Another similar site that empowers you to opt-out of “Credit Offers, Catalogs, Magazine Offers and Other Mail Offers” is dmachoice.org.

• Pay bills online through your bank (usually a free service). Initial set-up takes some time, because one has to enter all relevant account information. However, once set-up, online bill paying is convenient and reduces paper and postage.

• Sign up to receive paperless statements and account notifications via email.

• Bonus tip #1: Create an email label or folder called “To Pay” so that as you are e-mailed statement notifications you can put all bills needing payment in one paperless place.

• Bonus tip #2: Add a weekly calendar reminder to yourself to pay bills as applicable so that your paperless bills are not “out of sight, out of mind.”

• Move most of your filing system online. Free services are available through Google Documents or Dropbox. For tips on creating a secure password, read this article.

• For the files that must remain in paper form, such as your birth certificate, keep your files labeled, neat, and confined to a small area.

• Create PDFs instead of printing receipts from online purchases or printing paperless statements to file them. Save them instead on your hard drive or in an online folder through a free service like Google Documents or Dropbox.

• When you need paper products, buy recycled paper products as much as possible.

• Try to live without a printer at home. If you need to print or scan documents, go to a library or business to use printer or scanner services.

• If you must print, print double-sided on recycled paper.

• Recycle or shred all unwanted mail. You can add shredded paper to your compost pile.

• Reconsider your magazine subscriptions. Many magazines are available through your local library or online. If you do continue receiving a magazine, plan to share it with a friend after you’ve read it. Or you can tear out the pages that feature items you want to keep. Then scan those pages, create PDFs to file online or on your hard drive, and recycle the magazine and torn out pages.

• Replace paper towels with cloth towels. For example, you can buy a set of 12 Birdseye cotton fabric cloth towels through Etsy-vendor, madeintheredbarn, for $12.00. (I have them and love them. And, no, madeintheredbarn didn’t ask or pay me to promote its wares. I’m just excited to share what has worked for me.) You can use the cloth towels, then toss them in a bucket under the kitchen sink and launder them when the bucket gets full.

• Replace paper napkins with cloth napkins.

• If you want to take on an extra challenge, use washable cloths instead of toilet paper. The dedication required is like that of using cloth diapers, but for adults. To be hospitable to guests in your home, you can make toilet paper available.

What on this list seems most do-able to you? Do you have suggestions or tips to add? What has worked for you? Don’t be shy…Photo Credit: The photo above, “Paper Weaving,” is © 2007  FeatheredTar, and made available under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic License.

A Brief Essay: Practicing & Receiving Empathy

Here’s an essay I wrote for my “Theology of Creation” class at NTS. The essay prompt required focusing on some element of caring for humanity.

———————————————————————————————————————-

In the church, intentional small groups are contexts in which people can authentically practice and receive empathy. Regularly giving and receiving empathy builds mutual trust and connection. Connection is vital for living fully human and whole lives.

What does it look like for a small group to practice empathy? Empathic care for one another in a small group setting does not mean people try to fix one another or make each other feel better. Instead, participants are equals on a journey together. Empathy is “the skill or ability to tap into our own experiences in order to connect with an experience someone is relating to us” (1). It is “about fully engaging with someone and wanting to understand” (2). Empathy is more than words. Tone of voice and body language communicate empathy too (3).

“Fortunately, empathy is something that can be learned” and practiced (4). “Four defining attributes of empathy . . . are: (1) to be able to see the world as others see it; (2) to be nonjudgmental; (3) to understand another person’s feelings; and (4) to communicate your understanding of that person’s feelings” (5). Receiving empathy through the presence and engagement of another person helps us know we are not alone. Practicing empathy says to someone, “‘I can hear this. This is hard, but I can be in this space with you’” (6).

Trust and connection flourish between people when empathy characterizes a small group’s interactions. One definition of connection is “the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship” (7). Thus, meeting in small groups is a vital formative practice in a church that values care of one’s neighbor and self.

———————————————————————————————————————-

End Notes

1. Brené Brown. I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Telling the Truth about Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power (New York: Gotham Books, 2008), 33.
2. Ibid., 41.
3. John Savage. Listening and Caring Skills: A Guide for Groups and Leaders (Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1996), 16.
4. Brené Brown. I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Telling the Truth about Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power (New York: Gotham Books, 2008), 37.
5. Ibid., 37.
6. Ibid., 56.
7. Brené Brown. The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are (Center City, Minnesota: Hazelden, 2010), 19.

Recipe: Laura’s Granola

I adapted “Jennifer’s Granola” recipe that I found here to create “Laura’s Granola.” I used unsweetened apple sauce instead of canola oil, and added a ½ tsp more of cinnamon. Also, I left out the sunflower seeds and pecans. Without further ado, I present to you…

LAURA’S GRANOLA

Ingredients

• 4 c rolled oats
• 1 c wheat germ
• ½ c ground flax-seed
• ½ c brown sugar
• ½ c sliced almonds
• 1 ½ tsp cinnamon
• 1 tsp salt
• ⅓ c unsweetened applesauce
• ¼ c honey
• 1 tsp vanilla
• ½ c water

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 300 degrees.
2. In a large bowl, mix together the dry ingredients.
• Suggestion: use a food processor to slice whole almonds. Then add them to the dry ingredients.
3. In a separate bowl, whisk together wet ingredients.
4. Pour the wet ingredients over the dry, and mix until evenly blended.
5. Spread mixture in a greased 9×13 or 11×7 inch baking pan.
6. Bake for 1 hr in preheated oven & stir every 20 minutes or until toasted. Let cool completely before storing in an airtight container in the refrigerator.

I’ve been combining a ½ c of this granola, 1 c Greek yogurt, and 1 c of red raspberries for a DELICIOUS and healthy breakfast. The nutrition info of this breakfast is 371 calories – 53g carbs; 6g fat; 30g protein. The breakdown:

• ½ c Laura’s Granola – 185 calories – 32g carbs; 0g fat; 6g protein
• 1 c Greek yogurt (Fage brand) – 130 calories – 9g carbs; 0g fat; 23g protein
• 1 c red raspberries (frozen; organic) – 56 calories – 13g carbs; 0g fat; 1g protein

Do you like granola? Do you make your own? What recipe do you use? What do you typically eat for breakfast? Talk to me…

A Brief Essay: Creating as Assigning Function and The Image of God

Again, just for fun, here’s an essay I wrote entitled, “Creating as Assigning Function and The Image of God.” I wrote this 600-word essay for my “Theology of Creation” class at NTS. 

———————————————————————————————————————-

In The Lost World of Genesis One, Walton’s thesis is “that the cosmos is being given its functions as God’s temple, where he has taken up his residence and from where he runs the cosmos. This world is his headquarters” (Walton, 161). In this paper, I will discuss a main point of Walton’s thesis that interested me, which is that creating involves assigning function. I will explore the implications of creating as assigning function as I discuss God creating humanity and what it means to bear the image of God.

I see evidence for Walton’s view that creation involves assigning function in Genesis 1. “The account begins in verse 2 with no functions (rather than with no material)” (Walton, 162). We read that the heavens and earth were “formless and void,” (Gen 1:1) or “nonfunctional, having no purpose and generally unproductive” (Walton, 48). Walton asserts “people in the ancient world believed that something existed not by virtue of its material properties, but by virtue of its having a function in an ordered system” (Walton, 24). One reason Walton asserts this is that the Hebrew word translated ‘create’ (bara’) concerns assigning functions” (Walton, 162). The Genesis text depicts God creating by assigning functions. “On day one God created the basis for time; day two the basis for weather; and day three the basis for food. These three great functions–time, weather and food–are the foundation of life” (Walton, 58). “Days four to six pertain to functionaries in the cosmos being assigned their roles and spheres” (Walton, 162). It is after each creative act of assigning function that God says, “it was good” (Gen 1:9) which Walton thinks “refers to ‘functioning properly’” (Walton, 50). This proclamation of goodness is fascinating to me. It would imply that all functions as designed. This, then, has many implications for what being fully human means, made in God’s own image.

First, what functions did God give humanity when creating it? God assigns naming other creatures to the adam. What does this mean? “Names in the ancient world were associated with identity, role and function . . . naming is a significant part of something’s existence, and therefore of its creation” (Walton, 29). Thus, God asking the adam to name other creatures demonstrates that humans function as dynamic participants in the creative process with God.

Part of joining God in the creative process is working for our food, caring for the land, and reaping God’s good gifts of food (Gen 2:15). God is the provider of food, but one function of being human is that we must work to sow and reap the harvest. The language of stewardship describes being involved in the creative process. “We are stewards” (Walton, 145) of all creatures as we care for them (Gen 1:26). If I took the liberty of translating Gen 1:28 with Walton’s and my own points in mind, Gen 1:28 would read: “God blessed [the humans] and [assigned them functions by saying,] “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and [order] it. [Care for] the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and [for] every living creature that moves on the ground.”

As stewards, created in the image of God, “people represent God to the rest of creation” (Walton, 68). Stewardship includes wisdom to know what is in one’s control or influence and what is not. This is especially important given that being human means functioning in community. Humans were not made for isolation. How we relate to one another and the world are true marks of the image of God in us. As stewards, humans should steward what is theirs–their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors–because they have such an impact on other creatures.

In conclusion, God created, or assigned functions, to humans. We are dynamic participants in the creative process with God. We work for our food, care for the land, care for other creatures, and reap God’s good gifts. We steward our own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, especially because they have an impact on the world around us.

A Brief Essay: Mistrusting God

Just for fun, I thought I’d share an essay I wrote. This semester I am taking a class called, “Theology of Creation,” at NTS. Each week, a 600-word essay about our reading is due. Here’s my essay entitled, “Mistrusting God.”

———————————————————————————————————————-

In the first three chapters of God and World in the Old Testament, Fretheim discusses Genesis 1-12. Part of Fretheim’s discussion includes exploring what the Genesis text reveals about sin. In this paper, I will discuss Fretheim’s view that the “primal sin” was mistrusting God and God’s word (Fretheim 74). I will briefly explore the implications of sin as mistrust of God.

Fretheim talks about The Fall in terms of mistrusting God and God’s word (Fretheim 74). This is the first time I have heard sin articulated in this way. It makes sense that mistrusting God would wreak havoc in the world. Compulsive and damaging behaviors–greed, deceit, distance, defensiveness, competition, envy, addiction, abuse, misuse, violence, and betrayal–can stem from mistrust that is not confessed. “The sin [of mistrust] has led to dissonance in every relationship, between humans, humans and God, humans and animals, humans and the earth, and within the self” (Fretheim 75). The effects of mistrusting have compounded over time. “Every aspect of creaturely life is touched” (Fretheim 76). The sin of mistrust is then inherited and systemic.

Speaking of sin in terms of mistrust is a relational way of understanding sin. Fretheim asserts that “[t]he kind of relationship God established with the created order necessarily entailed risk,” as all genuine and intimate relationships do (Fretheim 69). Genuine relationship is risky, because it entails genuine freedom. God empowered creatures to think, feel, and act as they chose. Part of being a created human being is having autonomy. Yet, humans are interdependent with all of creation and the Creator. Interdependence requires negotiation and trust in order for those relationships to mutually benefit those involved and promote creation’s flourishing.

The narrative of The Fall I have heard most often emphasizes humanity’s prideful misstep for knowledge and power. There is the saying, “knowledge is power.” However, Fretheim says that “[t]he issue of knowledge at its deepest level is an issue of trust” (Fretheim 74). John Wesley similarly says of The Fall narrative, “Here sin began; namely, unbelief” (John Wesley, “Sermon 57: On the Fall Of Man”). God asked humanity to trust God based on what it experienced of God and heard God say. Adam and Eve did not fully trust in God and God’s words in the moment when they ate from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. God had said not to eat of that tree, but had not said why. What if they mistrusted that God would always be among them? They may not have felt equipped with enough knowledge to care for themselves, the land, and the other creatures. Perhaps they valued their God-given responsibilities, but doubted that God would provide all that they needed to fulfill those responsibilities. I can understand their dilemma of having freedom to respond to God, but doubting that God will show up, equip, or empower me to live as God has asked me to live. I do not always function with wholehearted trust in God and the goodness of what God gave humanity–freedom, function, community, the power of creativity, and the capacity to nurture intimate relationships.

I see confession and communion of the saints as vital parts of how to move forward in the midst of mistrust. Confession is a way of owning my own limitations as one human being with particular thoughts, emotions, and experiences. Though God will not rescue me from my development about trusting or mistrusting God, Scripture and Christian tradition assures the human community that God does not leave or forsake us (Heb. 13:5; Deut. 31: 6 & 8; Joshua 1:5). “God is present and active in this postgarden community” (Fretheim 77). Thanks be to God.

Josh & Amy Were Here

Nathanael, Josh, & Amy at our Oklahoma Joe’s BBQ Dinner

My sister, Amy, and brother-in-law, Josh, recently visited us for a fun-filled week. It was the first opportunity the four of us have had to spend time together in addition to our annual Christmas gathering. It was also the first time we’ve spent extended time together without the parents. (Sound familiar?) Apparently, this is the summer for siblings-without-parents-visits.

Again, we love our parents. However, it was fun to have just-the-four-of-us time to talk, play board games, eat awesome food, and go on some fun outings. Nathanael and I enjoyed sharing our lives, home, and favorite places with Josh & Amy. Amy & I also experienced our first-ever shellac manicures together (separate post on that later).

Watson loved having Josh & Amy visit too. Well, Watson loved his new friends after the “Did he just PEE on Josh’s shoe?!?!” incident. (Again, sorry, Josh. Watson pulled a new one, there.)

Also, Josh & Amy were troopers in spite of Kansas City’s record-breaking heat & humidity. It hadn’t been that hot since the ‘80s. Seriously, KC? Show a little more weather love to my family next time, please.

The only down side of the week was that on our last night together, after going out to a restaurant, Amy was stricken with some MAJOR food poisoning. (I never thought I’d say this, but, “Boo to you, Jerusalem Cafe!”) Amazingly enough, the rest of us were spared. However, no one should ever have to go through what Amy suffered. She felt okay enough to venture the flight home the next evening, but I’m glad she had the weekend to let herself fully recover. I hope the food poisoning doesn’t taint Josh’s & Amy’s memories of our week together. After reading their recap, it’s clear to me that they still enjoyed the trip. Whew.

We love you, Josh & Amy. Thanks for spending time with us!

More photos are here & here.

New Jersey Trip Recap

Charlie, Kara, & Nathanael at Grounds for Sculpture

In June, Nathanael and I spent a week with Kara (my sister-in-law) and Charlie (Kara’s spouse & my brother-in-law). We visited them before we flew out of the JFK airport to Prague, and before Kara and Charlie moved to San Diego at the end of June. (Kara starts as Assistant Professor of New Testament at Point Loma Nazarene University this fall!)

I had so much fun. It was the first time the four of us spent extended time together without parents being there too. Don’t get me wrong–we love the parents. However, it was fun experiencing a different dynamic between the four of us, and going deeper in conversation with each other given that we were a smaller group.

During our time in NJ, we enjoyed a couple of meals out, and many fantastic meals that Kara planned and prepared. (Props to you, again, Kara.) We talked, played board games, went to the Princeton University Art Museum, ate some of the best ice cream ever at The Bent Spoon (mine was Lemon Lemon-Mint), visited the Thomas Edison National Historical Park, and explored the Grounds for Sculpture.

More photos from our NJ trip are here.

The Return of Routine

Nathanael and I are back home after a fantastic month of travelling. (I look forward to posting a recap and more photos in the near future.)

Being home again has been great too. I love lists, so it may come as no surprise that I also love routines. I’ve enjoyed the fact that returning home means I can re-embrace routines I’ve missed. I can abandon some, tweak some, and create new ones too.

A new routine I began this week is making cold-brewed iced coffee. This post from a blog I follow inspired me. (Thanks, Anna @ D16!) When I follow this recipe, I quadruple it and use a LARGE Pyrex liquid measuring bowl. The next day, I use my French press to filter out the grounds. Then I store the cold-brewed coffee in a pitcher (w/ a lid) in the refrigerator. Also, I don’t dilute the coffee except with half ‘n’ half and a few ice cubes. It’s perfectly strong that way. If you try it, let me know! I’ve relished my morning glass of iced coffee before I head out into the hot and humid Kansas City outdoors to go to work. I’ve enjoyed it so much that I also cold-brewed some decaf coffee to relish in the evenings.

Watson Update

As friends and family connected to me on Facebook already know, my beloved dog, Watson, unexpectedly had to have bladder stone removal surgery while Nathanael and I were out of the country. 16 stones came out of our little creature! Our dog and home sitter, Roland, was the awesome-est. He saw Watson through the trauma of surgery and vet appointments. This all happened a few days before Nathanael and I returned home.

Since being back, we’ve cared for Watson as he has had several diet and bodily function issues. We’ve been to the vet twice, and had to change his diet three times. It was great to have Mu and Vat in town visiting the week after we got back. They helped us care for Watson, and it was clearly therapeutic for Watson to have four people in the house who love him so much.

As of yesterday, Watson had his stitches removed, and the all-clear to go without his cone of shame collar. He also had his third diet change. Now he’s one happy dog without crazy bodily function issues and a lamp shade for a collar that he was probably beginning to think was his new normal. His personality and energy seem to be the most normal since we’ve been home.

We’re still awaiting bladder stone analysis results from our vet to know how to permanently change Watson’s diet. (Will we need to make a fourth diet change?) In the meantime, it’s been encouraging to witness some major improvements in Watson’s health and energy.

That’s all for now. Have you traveled this summer or will you? What routines do you relish when you’re at home? Have you ever cold-brewed coffee?

Happy Birthday, Watson!

Today is our beloved dog’s 4th birthday. We gave him a new toy, a rawhide bone, and a walk to celebrate. We’re so glad Watson is part of our daily lives. He has a personality the size of Texas. Isn’t he cute?

Laura Listy

Laura Listy, here. Recently, I have

• finished my Family Systems & the Church class work
• started volunteering some time each week in my church’s office
• read a few books
• planned healthy meals and snacks
• tackled the basement clutter an hour at a time for the last few weeks
• made my first-ever batch of hummus (with way too much EXTRA garlic)
• celebrated my 5th wedding anniversary with Nathanael
• and begun making lists galore given that Nathanael and I are preparing to travel

Nathanael and I are looking forward to visiting Kara & Charlie in New Jersey. It will be great to spend time with them. From New Jersey, we’ll travel to New York. Then from New York, we’ll fly to the Czech Republic, passing through Russia. We are so excited! Our friends, Josh and Klara, are getting married in the Czech Republic and we are making a vacation extravaganza out of attending.

Here’s our “to do” list before we leave (it’s what’s on my mind):

• Prepare for our friend, Brian, to move into our basement while we’re gone. (Yay for our third basement resident!)
• Move all our stuff into the partitioned storage area so that Brian has space to live. (Refer to this post to remember just how daunting this task may be.)
• Categorize basement clutter by making piles of like items.
• Temporarily store categorized basement items in the partitioned basement storage area in such a way that Nathanael or I could grab a box of whatever at a later date to sort, purge, organize, and store the contents for future use.
• Go on cobweb patrol by sweeping the ceilings.
• Wash the windows.
• Wash the blinds.
• Wash the walls.
• Sweep the floor.
• Mop the floor.
• Scrub the basement sink, counter, and cupboards.
• Scrub the basement toilet.
• Normal (plus a little extra) cleaning of our house before we leave it in the care of a house sitter.
• Groom Watson (our dog) & take him to the vet before leaving him in the care of a house sitter.
• Get Humphrey (our lizard) set-up with a new bulb for his lamp and food.
• Prep the raised bed garden for this year’s tomatoes.
• Clear out weeds and leaves.
• Repair one side of the raised bed.
• Rake/till the soil.
• Add mulch to prevent weeds.
• Plant the tomatoes so they grow while we’re gone.

Over-reaching? Perhaps. Like I said, Laura Listy is my name these days. That’s all for now.

Happy Lists & The Kansas City Zoo

Do you have a “Happy List?” A few weeks ago, Nathanael and I were asking ourselves, “When are we happiest? What makes us feel most alive and joyful?” One item we added to our happy list is going on outings together. Thus, Nathanael and I have decided to be more intentional about going on outings. How fun!

We followed up our goal with action a couple Fridays ago. We went on an outing to the Kansas City Zoo. We love zoos. Nathanael, especially, loves seeing all the animals.

Your turn: An inquiring Laura wants to know, what helps you feel most alive and joyful?

Spring Cleaning: The Dreaded Basement

In many areas of my life I stay fairly organized. My basement is NOT one of those areas. The dissonance between how I want the basement to look and function and how it actually looks and functions is drastic, people. It is a WRECK down there. I’m all for authenticity, but I dare not post “before” photos lest you mistake this post for a recap of a Hoarders episode.

I’m reminding myself that I live in a one-bedroom home with a HUGE basement. For awhile, the huge basement was awesome. We were able to use it as an “apartment” when friends needed a place to live. After our last basement resident moved out, and plans fell through for someone else to move in, Nathanael and I suddenly had an empty basement on our hands.

As you may imagine, we fell into the trap of thinking the basement is an inbox to be sorted through later…much later. We started using the ENTIRE basement as a catch-all stashing place for future yard sale or Craig’s List items (a couch, trumpet, and drum set for starters), extra cleaning supplies, extra pantry items (have you SEEN the size of Costco’s Quaker oatmeal?), extra bathroom supplies, office items that don’t fit in our alloted office space, decor items that don’t fit in our home, laundry supplies, dirty laundry waiting to be laundered, suitcases, Christmas decorations, and camping equipment. We could run a small General Store. It would be a General Store in a horror movie, but still.

As I was falling asleep one night, I spared myself from a basement nightmare by forming a plan. I thought to myself, “I could use painter’s tape (it comes cleanly off painted walls) to create labeled sections in the room. I can then use the labeled sections as places to gather and sort through our junk basement items.” Yesterday afternoon, I took action. I taped up the following categories:

• Donate
• Sell
• Tools
• Extra Supplies (Kitchen, Bathroom, & Laundry)
• Extra Decor
• Extra Office Items

Per my usual project pattern, I would rather dive in and not resurface until the entire basement is organized. However, I must resist my all-or-nothing project approach here. This task is too big and overwhelming to try to accomplish in one fell swoop. Instead, I will sporadically spend time sorting through the basement clutter in the coming weeks. Once items are preliminarily sorted I will actually be able to see what we have. Then I can purge items (shifting them to the trash or donate areas) or store them in the empty cardboard boxes I have been hoarding collecting for such a time as this. Wish me luck…

What I’m Learning: Assertiveness

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Image via NoImpactMan

What I’m Learning

Most of last week’s class session* was spent discussing assertiveness and the positive relational effects of assertiveness. Dr. Judi Schwanz listed 9 assertive behaviors that I think are helpful for understanding what assertiveness looks like as it’s lived out. Being assertive means that a person has power and chooses to act. It means that people can be differentiated (different/separate) yet connected. Taking assertive action looks like:

1. Expressing Appreciation
2. Accepting Appreciation
3. Making Requests (using specificity; “What I need…”)
4. Refusing Requests
5. Presenting Your Ideas
6. Expressing Controversial Ideas and Opinions
7. Disagreeing
8. Taking Criticism
9. Giving Criticism

Reflection Exercise

While this list is not exhaustive, it’s a helpful tool for identifying one’s weaknesses and areas for growth. I find value in that. I invite you to use this list in your own times of reflection. For taking personal inventory about assertiveness, Dr. Schwanz suggested making a chart with these 9 assertive behaviors listed on the left-hand column, and adding columns across the top labeled with relationships such as “Significant Other/Spouse, Sibling, Parent, In-Laws, Friend, Church Leader, Boss, Co-Worker.” Then, go through the chart marking an “x” if you consistently practice the assertive behavior in a given relationship.

Why this is Helpful

Doing this exercise enables one to take inventory of the relationships and areas of one’s life in which assertiveness has room to grow. For me, doing this exercise revealed that the very same assertive behaviors I embrace in some relationships, I avoid in other relationships. Now I have identified specific assertive skills I can practice in my specific relationships. That’s empowering.

Practicing these skills is important to me, because I value connection and authenticity. Bringing more of my assertive self into any relationship will help me foster the potential for deeper connection with others, help me know myself and steward my emotions, help me navigate relationships in more authentic ways, and help me create hospitable space in my life for others.

Invitation to Conversation

What are your thoughts on assertiveness or these specific assertive behaviors?

 

*This semester, I’m taking a class at NTS called “Family Systems and the Church” with Dr. Judi Schwanz.

Happy Valentine’s Day

Lyons Family Trivia

Q: What song do Nathanael and I have a tradition of listening to on Valentine’s Day each year?

A: Happy Valentine’s Day by Outkast (follow the link to listen to a segment of the song)

Reader Trivia

However you feel about V-Day, I wanted to share, via Brené Brown, that Sasha Dichter suggests we upgrade Valentine’s Day to Generosity Day!

In this post, Sasha writes,

Valentine’s Day is going to be rebooted as Generosity Day: one day of sharing love with everyone, of being generous to everyone, to see how it feels and to practice saying “Yes.” Let’s make the day about love, action and human connection.

Give to people on the street. Tip outrageously. Help a stranger. Write a note telling someone how much you appreciate them. Smile. Donate (more) to a cause that means a lot to you. Take clothes to GoodWill. Share your toys (grownups and kids). Be patient with yourself and with others. Replace the toilet paper in the bathroom. All generous acts count!

Whether you’re a V-Day hater or lover, this day (like every day) can be about love-in-action and connecting with others. I like that.

Fresh Start: Kitchen

BEFORE:

I am working on creating a fresh start for the rest of my kitchen now that my home office (in the kitchen) is refreshed. I’m still whittling away at the items on my LONG kitchen action items list, but here it is:

• replace broken Crock Pot & dispose of the old one
• sweep & scrub the walls & floor behind the stove
• sweep behind the refrigerator
  
• purge & organize items in upper cupboards
• scrub down outsides of upper cupboards
• purge, clean, and organize items above fridge
• hang recipe book shelf
• purge front & side of refrigerator & post relevant items
• make space for new coffee maker
• repair dishwasher
• deep clean inside dishwasher; it’s DISGUSTING
  
• create a dog food storage solution
• sweep
• mop
• scrub down outsides of lower cupboards
• organize remaining appliances, dishes, pots, and pans in lower cupboards to maximize space & encourage use
• purge, refill, clean, and organize cleaning supplies under the kitchen sink
• take any appliances or dishes we have not used in the last year down to the basement for donating/selling later
• purge items & thoroughly clean inside freezer
• purge items & thoroughly clean inside refrigerator
  
• purge & organize drawers
  • silverware drawer
  • misc/junk drawer
  • drawers to the left of the stove

AFTERS:

Now it’s much more pleasant to bake in here! Cinnamon rolls, anyone? Yum.