In the church, intentional small groups are contexts in which people can authentically practice and receive empathy. Regularly giving and receiving empathy builds mutual trust and connection. Connection is vital for living fully human and whole lives.
What does it look like for a small group to practice empathy? Empathic care for one another in a small group setting does not mean people try to fix one another or make each other feel better. Instead, participants are equals on a journey together. Empathy is “the skill or ability to tap into our own experiences in order to connect with an experience someone is relating to us” (1). It is “about fully engaging with someone and wanting to understand” (2). Empathy is more than words. Tone of voice and body language communicate empathy too (3).
“Fortunately, empathy is something that can be learned” and practiced (4). “Four defining attributes of empathy . . . are: (1) to be able to see the world as others see it; (2) to be nonjudgmental; (3) to understand another person’s feelings; and (4) to communicate your understanding of that person’s feelings” (5). Receiving empathy through the presence and engagement of another person helps us know we are not alone. Practicing empathy says to someone, “‘I can hear this. This is hard, but I can be in this space with you’” (6).
Trust and connection flourish between people when empathy characterizes a small group’s interactions. One definition of connection is “the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship” (7). Thus, meeting in small groups is a vital formative practice in a church that values care of one’s neighbor and self.
- Brené Brown. I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Telling the Truth about Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power (New York: Gotham Books, 2008), 33.
- Ibid., 41.
- John Savage. Listening and Caring Skills: A Guide for Groups and Leaders (Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1996), 16.
- Brené Brown. I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Telling the Truth about Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power (New York: Gotham Books, 2008), 37.
- Ibid., 37.
- Ibid., 56.
- Brené Brown. The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are (Center City, Minnesota: Hazelden, 2010), 19.
Filed under: What I'm Learning Tagged: | Brené Brown, connection, empathy, essay, I Thought It Was Just Me, John Savage, Listening and Caring Skills, NTS, practice, small groups, The Gifts of Imperfection, Theology of Creation
