What does it look like for a small group to practice empathy? Empathic care for one another in a small group setting does not mean people try to fix one another or make each other feel better. Instead, participants are equals on a journey together. Empathy is “the skill or ability to tap into our own experiences in order to connect with an experience someone is relating to us” (1). It is “about fully engaging with someone and wanting to understand” (2). Empathy is more than words. Tone of voice and body language communicate empathy too (3).

“Fortunately, empathy is something that can be learned” and practiced (4). “Four defining attributes of empathy . . . are: (1) to be able to see the world as others see it; (2) to be nonjudgmental; (3) to understand another person’s feelings; and (4) to communicate your understanding of that person’s feelings” (5). Receiving empathy through the presence and engagement of another person helps us know we are not alone. Practicing empathy says to someone, “‘I can hear this. This is hard, but I can be in this space with you’” (6).

Trust and connection flourish between people when empathy characterizes a small group’s interactions. One definition of connection is “the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship” (7). Thus, meeting in small groups is a vital formative practice in a church that values care of one’s neighbor and self.

I adapted “Jennifer’s Granola” recipe that I found here to create “Laura’s Granola.” I used unsweetened apple sauce instead of canola oil, and added a ½ tsp more of cinnamon. Also, I left out the sunflower seeds and pecans. Without further ado, I present to you…

LAURA’S GRANOLA

Ingredients

• 4 c rolled oats
• 1 c wheat germ
• ½ c ground flax-seed
• ½ c brown sugar
• ½ c sliced almonds
• 1 ½ tsp cinnamon
• 1 tsp salt
• ⅓ c unsweetened applesauce
• ¼ c honey
• 1 tsp vanilla
• ½ c water

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 300 degrees.
2. In a large bowl, mix together the dry ingredients.
• Suggestion: use a food processor to slice whole almonds. Then add them to the dry ingredients.
3. In a separate bowl, whisk together wet ingredients.
4. Pour the wet ingredients over the dry, and mix until evenly blended.
5. Spread mixture in a greased 9×13 or 11×7 inch baking pan.
6. Bake for 1 hr in preheated oven & stir every 20 minutes or until toasted. Let cool completely before storing in an airtight container in the refrigerator.

I’ve been combining a ½ c of this granola, 1 c Greek yogurt, and 1 c of red raspberries for a DELICIOUS and healthy breakfast. The nutrition info of this breakfast is 371 calories – 53g carbs; 6g fat; 30g protein. The breakdown:

• ½ c Laura’s Granola – 185 calories – 32g carbs; 0g fat; 6g protein
• 1 c Greek yogurt (Fage brand) – 130 calories – 9g carbs; 0g fat; 23g protein
• 1 c red raspberries (frozen; organic) – 56 calories – 13g carbs; 0g fat; 1g protein

In The Lost World of Genesis One, Walton’s thesis is “that the cosmos is being given its functions as God’s temple, where he has taken up his residence and from where he runs the cosmos. This world is his headquarters” (Walton, 161). In this paper, I will discuss a main point of Walton’s thesis that interested me, which is that creating involves assigning function. I will explore the implications of creating as assigning function as I discuss God creating humanity and what it means to bear the image of God.

I see evidence for Walton’s view that creation involves assigning function in Genesis 1. “The account begins in verse 2 with no functions (rather than with no material)” (Walton, 162). We read that the heavens and earth were “formless and void,” (Gen 1:1) or “nonfunctional, having no purpose and generally unproductive” (Walton, 48). Walton asserts “people in the ancient world believed that something existed not by virtue of its material properties, but by virtue of its having a function in an ordered system” (Walton, 24). One reason Walton asserts this is that the Hebrew word translated ‘create’ (bara’) concerns assigning functions” (Walton, 162). The Genesis text depicts God creating by assigning functions. “On day one God created the basis for time; day two the basis for weather; and day three the basis for food. These three great functions–time, weather and food–are the foundation of life” (Walton, 58). “Days four to six pertain to functionaries in the cosmos being assigned their roles and spheres” (Walton, 162). It is after each creative act of assigning function that God says, “it was good” (Gen 1:9) which Walton thinks “refers to ‘functioning properly’” (Walton, 50). This proclamation of goodness is fascinating to me. It would imply that all functions as designed. This, then, has many implications for what being fully human means, made in God’s own image.

First, what functions did God give humanity when creating it? God assigns naming other creatures to the adam. What does this mean? “Names in the ancient world were associated with identity, role and function . . . naming is a significant part of something’s existence, and therefore of its creation” (Walton, 29). Thus, God asking the adam to name other creatures demonstrates that humans function as dynamic participants in the creative process with God.

Part of joining God in the creative process is working for our food, caring for the land, and reaping God’s good gifts of food (Gen 2:15). God is the provider of food, but one function of being human is that we must work to sow and reap the harvest. The language of stewardship describes being involved in the creative process. “We are stewards” (Walton, 145) of all creatures as we care for them (Gen 1:26). If I took the liberty of translating Gen 1:28 with Walton’s and my own points in mind, Gen 1:28 would read: “God blessed [the humans] and [assigned them functions by saying,] “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and [order] it. [Care for] the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and [for] every living creature that moves on the ground.”

As stewards, created in the image of God, “people represent God to the rest of creation” (Walton, 68). Stewardship includes wisdom to know what is in one’s control or influence and what is not. This is especially important given that being human means functioning in community. Humans were not made for isolation. How we relate to one another and the world are true marks of the image of God in us. As stewards, humans should steward what is theirs–their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors–because they have such an impact on other creatures.

In conclusion, God created, or assigned functions, to humans. We are dynamic participants in the creative process with God. We work for our food, care for the land, care for other creatures, and reap God’s good gifts. We steward our own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, especially because they have an impact on the world around us.

Nathanael, Josh, & Amy at our Oklahoma Joe’s BBQ Dinner

My sister, Amy, and brother-in-law, Josh, recently visited us for a fun-filled week. It was the first opportunity the four of us have had to spend time together in addition to our annual Christmas gathering. It was also the first time we’ve spent extended time together without the parents. (Sound familiar?) Apparently, this is the summer for siblings-without-parents-visits.

Again, we love our parents. However, it was fun to have just-the-four-of-us time to talk, play board games, eat awesome food, and go on some fun outings. Nathanael and I enjoyed sharing our lives, home, and favorite places with Josh & Amy. Amy & I also experienced our first-ever shellac manicures together (separate post on that later).

Watson loved having Josh & Amy visit too. Well, Watson loved his new friends after the “Did he just PEE on Josh’s shoe?!?!” incident. (Again, sorry, Josh. Watson pulled a new one, there.)

Also, Josh & Amy were troopers in spite of Kansas City’s record-breaking heat & humidity. It hadn’t been that hot since the ‘80s. Seriously, KC? Show a little more weather love to my family next time, please.

The only down side of the week was that on our last night together, after going out to a restaurant, Amy was stricken with some MAJOR food poisoning. (I never thought I’d say this, but, “Boo to you, Jerusalem Cafe!”) Amazingly enough, the rest of us were spared. However, no one should ever have to go through what Amy suffered. She felt okay enough to venture the flight home the next evening, but I’m glad she had the weekend to let herself fully recover. I hope the food poisoning doesn’t taint Josh’s & Amy’s memories of our week together. After reading their recap, it’s clear to me that they still enjoyed the trip. Whew.

We love you, Josh & Amy. Thanks for spending time with us!

More photos are here & here.

Charlie, Kara, & Nathanael at Grounds for Sculpture

In June, Nathanael and I spent a week with Kara (my sister-in-law) and Charlie (Kara’s spouse & my brother-in-law). We visited them before we flew out of the JFK airport to Prague, and before Kara and Charlie moved to San Diego at the end of June. (Kara starts as Assistant Professor of New Testament at Point Loma Nazarene University this fall!)

I had so much fun. It was the first time the four of us spent extended time together without parents being there too. Don’t get me wrong–we love the parents. However, it was fun experiencing a different dynamic between the four of us, and going deeper in conversation with each other given that we were a smaller group.

During our time in NJ, we enjoyed a couple of meals out, and many fantastic meals that Kara planned and prepared. (Props to you, again, Kara.) We talked, played board games, went to the Princeton University Art Museum, ate some of the best ice cream ever at The Bent Spoon (mine was Lemon Lemon-Mint), visited the Thomas Edison National Historical Park, and explored the Grounds for Sculpture.

More photos from our NJ trip are here.

Nathanael and I are back home after a fantastic month of travelling. (I look forward to posting a recap and more photos in the near future.)

Being home again has been great too. I love lists, so it may come as no surprise that I also love routines. I’ve enjoyed the fact that returning home means I can re-embrace routines I’ve missed. I can abandon some, tweak some, and create new ones too.

A new routine I began this week is making cold-brewed iced coffee. This post from a blog I follow inspired me. (Thanks, Anna @ D16!) When I follow this recipe, I quadruple it and use a LARGE Pyrex liquid measuring bowl. The next day, I use my French press to filter out the grounds. Then I store the cold-brewed coffee in a pitcher (w/ a lid) in the refrigerator. Also, I don’t dilute the coffee except with half ‘n’ half and a few ice cubes. It’s perfectly strong that way. If you try it, let me know! I’ve relished my morning glass of iced coffee before I head out into the hot and humid Kansas City outdoors to go to work. I’ve enjoyed it so much that I also cold-brewed some decaf coffee to relish in the evenings.

Watson Update

As friends and family connected to me on Facebook already know, my beloved dog, Watson, unexpectedly had to have bladder stone removal surgery while Nathanael and I were out of the country. 16 stones came out of our little creature! Our dog and home sitter, Roland, was the awesome-est. He saw Watson through the trauma of surgery and vet appointments. This all happened a few days before Nathanael and I returned home.

Since being back, we’ve cared for Watson as he has had several diet and bodily function issues. We’ve been to the vet twice, and had to change his diet three times. It was great to have Mu and Vat in town visiting the week after we got back. They helped us care for Watson, and it was clearly therapeutic for Watson to have four people in the house who love him so much.

As of yesterday, Watson had his stitches removed, and the all-clear to go without his cone of shame collar. He also had his third diet change. Now he’s one happy dog without crazy bodily function issues and a lamp shade for a collar that he was probably beginning to think was his new normal. His personality and energy seem to be the most normal since we’ve been home.

We’re still awaiting bladder stone analysis results from our vet to know how to permanently change Watson’s diet. (Will we need to make a fourth diet change?) In the meantime, it’s been encouraging to witness some major improvements in Watson’s health and energy.

That’s all for now. Have you traveled this summer or will you? What routines do you relish when you’re at home? Have you ever cold-brewed coffee?

Today is our beloved dog’s 4th birthday. We gave him a new toy, a rawhide bone, and a walk to celebrate. We’re so glad Watson is part of our daily lives. He has a personality the size of Texas. Isn’t he cute?

Laura Listy, here. Recently, I have

• finished my Family Systems & the Church class work
• started volunteering some time each week in my church’s office
• read a few books
• planned healthy meals and snacks
• tackled the basement clutter an hour at a time for the last few weeks
• made my first-ever batch of hummus (with way too much EXTRA garlic)
• celebrated my 5th wedding anniversary with Nathanael
• and begun making lists galore given that Nathanael and I are preparing to travel

Nathanael and I are looking forward to visiting Kara & Charlie in New Jersey. It will be great to spend time with them. From New Jersey, we’ll travel to New York. Then from New York, we’ll fly to the Czech Republic, passing through Russia. We are so excited! Our friends, Josh and Klara, are getting married in the Czech Republic and we are making a vacation extravaganza out of attending.

Here’s our “to do” list before we leave (it’s what’s on my mind):

• Prepare for our friend, Brian, to move into our basement while we’re gone. (Yay for our third basement resident!)
• Move all our stuff into the partitioned storage area so that Brian has space to live. (Refer to this post to remember just how daunting this task may be.)
• Categorize basement clutter by making piles of like items.
• Temporarily store categorized basement items in the partitioned basement storage area in such a way that Nathanael or I could grab a box of whatever at a later date to sort, purge, organize, and store the contents for future use.
• Go on cobweb patrol by sweeping the ceilings.
• Wash the windows.
• Wash the blinds.
• Wash the walls.
• Sweep the floor.
• Mop the floor.
• Scrub the basement sink, counter, and cupboards.
• Scrub the basement toilet.
• Normal (plus a little extra) cleaning of our house before we leave it in the care of a house sitter.
• Groom Watson (our dog) & take him to the vet before leaving him in the care of a house sitter.
• Get Humphrey (our lizard) set-up with a new bulb for his lamp and food.
• Prep the raised bed garden for this year’s tomatoes.
• Clear out weeds and leaves.
• Repair one side of the raised bed.
• Rake/till the soil.
• Add mulch to prevent weeds.
• Plant the tomatoes so they grow while we’re gone.

Over-reaching? Perhaps. Like I said, Laura Listy is my name these days. That’s all for now.

Do you have a “Happy List?” A few weeks ago, Nathanael and I were asking ourselves, “When are we happiest? What makes us feel most alive and joyful?” One item we added to our happy list is going on outings together. Thus, Nathanael and I have decided to be more intentional about going on outings. How fun!

We followed up our goal with action a couple Fridays ago. We went on an outing to the Kansas City Zoo. We love zoos. Nathanael, especially, loves seeing all the animals.

Your turn: An inquiring Laura wants to know, what helps you feel most alive and joyful?

I’m reminding myself that I live in a one-bedroom home with a HUGE basement. For awhile, the huge basement was awesome. We were able to use it as an “apartment” when friends needed a place to live. After our last basement resident moved out, and plans fell through for someone else to move in, Nathanael and I suddenly had an empty basement on our hands.

As you may imagine, we fell into the trap of thinking the basement is an inbox to be sorted through later…much later. We started using the ENTIRE basement as a catch-all stashing place for future yard sale or Craig’s List items (a couch, trumpet, and drum set for starters), extra cleaning supplies, extra pantry items (have you SEEN the size of Costco’s Quaker oatmeal?), extra bathroom supplies, office items that don’t fit in our alloted office space, decor items that don’t fit in our home, laundry supplies, dirty laundry waiting to be laundered, suitcases, Christmas decorations, and camping equipment. We could run a small General Store. It would be a General Store in a horror movie, but still.

As I was falling asleep one night, I spared myself from a basement nightmare by forming a plan. I thought to myself, “I could use painter’s tape (it comes cleanly off painted walls) to create labeled sections in the room. I can then use the labeled sections as places to gather and sort through our junk basement items.” Yesterday afternoon, I took action. I taped up the following categories:

• Donate
• Sell
• Tools
• Extra Supplies (Kitchen, Bathroom, & Laundry)
• Extra Decor
• Extra Office Items

Per my usual project pattern, I would rather dive in and not resurface until the entire basement is organized. However, I must resist my all-or-nothing project approach here. This task is too big and overwhelming to try to accomplish in one fell swoop. Instead, I will sporadically spend time sorting through the basement clutter in the coming weeks. Once items are preliminarily sorted I will actually be able to see what we have. Then I can purge items (shifting them to the trash or donate areas) or store them in the empty cardboard boxes I have been hoarding collecting for such a time as this. Wish me luck…

Image via NoImpactMan

What I’m Learning

Most of last week’s class session* was spent discussing assertiveness and the positive relational effects of assertiveness. Dr. Judi Schwanz listed 9 assertive behaviors that I think are helpful for understanding what assertiveness looks like as it’s lived out. Being assertive means that a person has power and chooses to act. It means that people can be differentiated (different/separate) yet connected. Taking assertive action looks like:

1. Expressing Appreciation
2. Accepting Appreciation
3. Making Requests (using specificity; “What I need…”)
4. Refusing Requests
5. Presenting Your Ideas
6. Expressing Controversial Ideas and Opinions
7. Disagreeing
8. Taking Criticism
9. Giving Criticism

Reflection Exercise

While this list is not exhaustive, it’s a helpful tool for identifying one’s weaknesses and areas for growth. I find value in that. I invite you to use this list in your own times of reflection. For taking personal inventory about assertiveness, Dr. Schwanz suggested making a chart with these 9 assertive behaviors listed on the left-hand column, and adding columns across the top labeled with relationships such as “Significant Other/Spouse, Sibling, Parent, In-Laws, Friend, Church Leader, Boss, Co-Worker.” Then, go through the chart marking an “x” if you consistently practice the assertive behavior in a given relationship.

Why this is Helpful

Doing this exercise enables one to take inventory of the relationships and areas of one’s life in which assertiveness has room to grow. For me, doing this exercise revealed that the very same assertive behaviors I embrace in some relationships, I avoid in other relationships. Now I have identified specific assertive skills I can practice in my specific relationships. That’s empowering.

Practicing these skills is important to me, because I value connection and authenticity. Bringing more of my assertive self into any relationship will help me foster the potential for deeper connection with others, help me know myself and steward my emotions, help me navigate relationships in more authentic ways, and help me create hospitable space in my life for others.

Invitation to Conversation

What are your thoughts on assertiveness or these specific assertive behaviors?

*This semester, I’m taking a class at NTS called “Family Systems and the Church” with Dr. Judi Schwanz.

Lyons Family Trivia

Q: What song do Nathanael and I have a tradition of listening to on Valentine’s Day each year?

A: Happy Valentine’s Day by Outkast (follow the link to listen to a segment of the song)

Reader Trivia

Take Our Poll

However you feel about V-Day, I wanted to share, via Brené Brown, that Sasha Dichter suggests we upgrade Valentine’s Day to Generosity Day!

In this post, Sasha writes,

Valentine’s Day is going to be rebooted as Generosity Day: one day of sharing love with everyone, of being generous to everyone, to see how it feels and to practice saying “Yes.” Let’s make the day about love, action and human connection.

Give to people on the street. Tip outrageously. Help a stranger. Write a note telling someone how much you appreciate them. Smile. Donate (more) to a cause that means a lot to you. Take clothes to GoodWill. Share your toys (grownups and kids). Be patient with yourself and with others. Replace the toilet paper in the bathroom. All generous acts count!

Whether you’re a V-Day hater or lover, this day (like every day) can be about love-in-action and connecting with others. I like that.

I am working on creating a fresh start for the rest of my kitchen now that my home office (in the kitchen) is refreshed. I’m still whittling away at the items on my LONG kitchen action items list, but here it is:

• replace broken Crock Pot & dispose of the old one
• sweep & scrub the walls & floor behind the stove
• sweep behind the refrigerator
  
• purge & organize items in upper cupboards
• scrub down outsides of upper cupboards
• purge, clean, and organize items above fridge
• hang recipe book shelf
• purge front & side of refrigerator & post relevant items
• make space for new coffee maker
• repair dishwasher
• deep clean inside dishwasher; it’s DISGUSTING
  
• create a dog food storage solution
• sweep
• mop
• scrub down outsides of lower cupboards
• organize remaining appliances, dishes, pots, and pans in lower cupboards to maximize space & encourage use
• purge, refill, clean, and organize cleaning supplies under the kitchen sink
• take any appliances or dishes we have not used in the last year down to the basement for donating/selling later
• purge items & thoroughly clean inside freezer
• purge items & thoroughly clean inside refrigerator
  
• purge & organize drawers
  • silverware drawer
  • misc/junk drawer
  • drawers to the left of the stove

AFTERS:

Now it’s much more pleasant to bake in here! Cinnamon rolls, anyone? Yum.